I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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