FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
