she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
