this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I color on your dick again?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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