Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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