You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
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