I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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