so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize