thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
