Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
