people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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