we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
