Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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