there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
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