Umm I'm too high to move.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
