The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
