Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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