I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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