Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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