just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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