I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
