My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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