Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
