Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
