a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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