Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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