the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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