I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
