Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
