i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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