white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad