So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.