Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊