I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
