Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor