The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.