so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
