I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
