She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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