I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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