grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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