just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
