Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
