she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
