I wish my penis had an off switch
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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