im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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