That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
