My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
