Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
