i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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