My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize