My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
