apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
