But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
