why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
