You're completely useless in the revolution.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
