I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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