No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
