I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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