4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
