# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
