my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
