Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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