Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
