He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
