I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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