your parents love me but you hate me
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
