Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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