This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
