Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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