If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
