and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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