One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
